Psalm 69 Humility in the Kingdom

30 Then I will praise God's name with singing,
and I will honor him with thanksgiving.
31 For this will please the LORD more than sacrificing cattle,
more than presenting a bull with its horns and hooves.
32 The humble will see their God at work and be glad.
Let all who seek God's help be encouraged.
33 For the LORD hears the cries of the needy;
he does not despise his imprisoned people.

Lord, let me see you at work at be glad! Keep me from wanting to see my work be done and boast! My heart is so deceitful, Lord; I cannot know it. However, you always know it. Like the king in Proverbs 21, let my heart be like a stream of water in your hands; direct it as it pleases You!

Father, forgive me for seeing your work and lamenting because it wasn't the way that I wanted it. Spirit, let me hear your voice as you direct my heart. Jesus, be glorified as we lift you up!

Perplexed, but not driven to despair

Time seems to pass so quickly these days. 33? I know that seems young to some of you, but part of me feels like I was just a kid a few days ago. It makes me wonder what I am doing with my days.

At 33, I have five beautiful children from the perfect husband. When we started out, I had so many plans for my family. I knew what kind of Mom I would be, how our household would run, what I would teach my children, how I would point them to Jesus. As I sit here today and recall the life that I envisioned for myself back then, I don't recognize the woman in the vision. It certainly isn't me! Where did that woman go? And where did this selfish, quick-tempered, lazy, half-hearted mother come from?

Obviously, this woman was me all along, I just didn't know it. It took the course of everyday life to show me. It was easy to play all of this out in my mind... not so easy to live it. For all of the desires and plans that I had of pouring myself into my family and showing them the love of Jesus, when the truth is revealed, it turns out I am one of the most lazy, selfish people I know. I spend most of my time trying to figure out how to get what I want, whether that be quiet, or time to play music uninterrupted, or a way to get out of making dinner, or countless other things.

The thing is, I have known myself to be this way for years now, and I have determined time after time to change it, and I can't (or don't want to.) So what's the point? Why keep trying? Why not just give up and go my own way? I mean, if I am so displeased with who I am, surely the Perfect and Holy God is even more displeased and has no intention of continuing to bless my life, anyway! Sounds like a logical time to quit.

BUT, in my despair, when my soul is parched and faints within me, the Lord draws me to the well of His Living Water and I read,

14 For by a single offering he has perfected for all time those who are being sanctified... 23 Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful. (Hebrews 10)

5 For through the Spirit, by faith, we ourselves eagerly wait for the hope of righteousness. (Galatians 5)

8 Henceforth there is laid up for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous judge, will award to me on that Day, and not only to me but also to all who have loved his appearing... 18 The Lord will rescue me from every evil deed and bring me safely into his heavenly kingdom. To him be the glory forever and ever. (2 Timothy 4)

28 Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” (Matthew 11)

“Hallelujah!
For the Lord our God
the Almighty reigns.
7 Let us rejoice and exult
and give him the glory,
for the marriage of the Lamb has come,
and his Bride has made herself ready;
8 it was granted her to clothe herself
with fine linen, bright and pure" (Revelation 19)

“The time has come, and the kingdom of God is at hand; repent and believe the good news.” Mark 1:15
(and the list of scripture that the Lord has used in my heart today goes on and on!)

The good news is this: Jesus has come to fulfill the law... Jesus has come to be the single offering... Jesus has perfected me... Jesus has bid my children come to him... and He will make His call effectual in His will and timing... Jesus is who my blessing depends on, not me... Jesus is calling me to repent of my prideful self-assessment and believe the Good News.

"Lord, you are so gracious, and so sweet the way that you have drawn me to you. I am proud and stubborn and I want to assess my good works. And when they are lacking, I am surprised? In the midst of my pride, you have led me to the blessed truth once again. He who has promised is faithful! I am not faithful, and I cannot expect to be, YOU are faithful. And the reason that you had to make such great a sacrifice is because I can't be trusted. Thank you for the freedom found in renouncing my ability to reform myself. Let me rest in you, for your burden is light. Shine through me and allow my children to see you, and not me. Oh, go ahead, show them how spiritually bankrupt I am! And let them see that they are the same. But then show them that the debt has been paid!!

I adore you, Lord, and I long for more and more of you until one day... my joy will be full in your presence."

Real Servants Have Empty Hands

For the last week I have been drawing the Living Water from a slightly different well than usual. I have been reading Comforts from the Cross and meditating and praying through the scriptures given and the wisdom with which God has blessed Elyse Fitzpatrick. My mother-in-law, Nancy (who also happens to be one of my dearest friends,) has been my drinking buddy. We both read a chapter in the morning and email one another any thoughts or insights. This morning, I was deeply moved by the reading and I wanted to post my thoughts here, but couldn't seem to find the words. When I read Nancy's commentary, it seemed to be just what I wanted to say! So I asked her if I could share here. I hope you are blessed by it, and I hope you can feel the joy in her words the way that I can.

(Our reading today was based mostly on Luke 23: 32-43. Jesus and the two criminals crucified beside him. If you haven't read it recently I invite you to click on the link above and read it.)

I am feeling closer to God with each chapter I read from this book! I am getting closer to that place where I was the day I called out to Him, "Jesus, remember me..."

I am learning to come to Jesus, each day, each hour, each minute in the same standing I came to Him the first time I came... destitute. Because in reality, nothing's changed without the work of the Lord! I haven't cleaned myself up one tiny bit! None of my own efforts at righteousness can ever get me past the point of destitution! Oh... doesn't that make God all the more glorious!!

Both criminals on the cross beside Jesus asked to be saved! I had never really seen it from the perspective Elyse showed. I can see now, that I have lived as both of these persons! The first time I came to Christ, I was the humble and contrite sinner, asking Him to remember me. As I became more legalistic in my approach, I became the proud and arrogant sinner, wanting to be sure Jesus recognized all I was doing to prove my love. Yes, you have saved me... I want to make you glad you did!

Then I read from this chapter... and I quote, " He doesn't even wish I were a bit nicer..." That would have seemed utterly preposterous to me a month ago! Now I see it differently. When God desires me to be nice, it is He who causes it to be so. The glory is always His...never mine! I know I have used the expression, "All the glory goes to God". But didn't really understand what I was even saying.

I haven't felt for a very long time that I could tell Jesus I loved Him and was thankful for my pardon without feeling obligated to Him. But in the beginning, I sure did. At the moment of my salvation, I felt more love and gratitude for God than at anytime since! Standing there with empty hands... I couldn't help but express it! My heart cried out to praise Him!
Standing before God with empty hands, makes His grace so much sweeter...so much more humbling.

I'll never love Him perfectly until I'm with Him face to face. But I can still express it today! I can still say to Jesus, " I really do love you with all that I am in the flesh, in the only way a redeemed sinner is capable of..."

Based on the peace and joy I receive from Him, I know He's still answering me today, the same way He did then, "I know you do...I believe you, because it is I who has given you that ability to know me, love me, and worship me as your Savior."

I'm seeing servanthood in a new way. I'm seeing my act of servanthood as always remembering who God is, and who I am. I'm seeing servanthood as an act of keeping my heart inclined toward Him and not myself. I'm seeing my servanthood wrapped up in "being for Him" and not "doing for Him". By my being a child of God, He has my works laid out for me. All of my abilities and acts are prepared for me beforehand according to God's will... not mine.
And yet in the end, knowing it is God who has done it all, He'll still say, "Well done, good and faithful servant" !
　
How great is our God!
~Nancy Livingston

Thank you, Nancy, for helping to incline my heart back toward Christ and away from me!

"Lord, today I thank you for your amazing grace. It becomes more and more amazing to me each time I look at it. Thank you for being a fountain of Living Waters that never runs dry. You are never boring! I never tire of seeing who you are. Just when I think I have it figured out, you show me more. I thank you that when you gave me the perfect husband, you threw in a bonus that not everyone gets, a mother-in-law that is a dear sister in Christ who can encourage and lift me up, and turn me to the cross! I thank you for the gifts you have given me in this life, and, Lord, I pray that you would continue to incline my heart more toward you, so that the gifts that you have given me will flow freely back into Your Kingdom!"

The Rescue

After sharing a burden with a dear friend this week, she encouraged me to read and meditate on Romans 7. I did. Then I came across the very same passage and encouragement in my devotional today. Since I'm overflowing with these thoughts, I think it is time to share!

Romans 7

7:1 Or do you not know, brothers—for I am speaking to those who know the law—that the law is binding on a person only as long as he lives? 2 For a married woman is bound by law to her husband while he lives, but if her husband dies she is released from the law of marriage. 3 Accordingly, she will be called an adulteress if she lives with another man while her husband is alive. But if her husband dies, she is free from that law, and if she marries another man she is not an adulteress.

4 Likewise, my brothers, you also have died to the law through the body of Christ, so that you may belong to another, to him who has been raised from the dead, in order that we may bear fruit for God. 5 For while we were living in the flesh, our sinful passions, aroused by the law, were at work in our members to bear fruit for death. 6 But now we are released from the law, having died to that which held us captive, so that we serve in the new way of the Spirit and not in the old way of the written code.

Without much thinking, we can see that the language concerning the law here is pretty radical. We are "released from the law, having died to that which held us captive." The law here sounds like an oppressive dictator. You get the feeling that you were like a Jew who narrowly escaped the clutches of Hitler and his Nazis and you were taken to a free country never to return. Or that you were a slave living in the household of a cruel master who used you and abused you, and your true love has given all that he has to bargain for your release, and put you in a white dress, and carried you away to a life of love that you didn't even have the capacity to dream of!

This concept amazes me anew every time I allow it to penetrate my stubborn mind. Think about the slave example. How would your true love, now your husband, take it if instead of basking in his love, you are constantly trying to find a way back to that slavemaster to fulfill your duties to him? That would be ridiculous! This is the point that Paul is making in Romans 7 about the law. We are FREE from it. Why do we keep returning to it only to be crushed under the weight of its condemnation? The law has absolutely no power over me and I am not bound to it. My true love came to rescue me, and I don't have to go back!

Now, if you're like me, you're getting nervous for me about now. You're wondering what grievous sin I'm going to fall into after allowing myself to think this way. Before we go down that road, let's look back at the text.

4Likewise, my brothers, you also have died to the law through the body of Christ, so that you may belong to another, to him who has been raised from the dead, in order that we may bear fruit for God.

Even though, in our flesh, we fear that straying too far from the law and rules and boundaries will cause us to stop bearing fruit for God, Paul says that we are RELEASED from the law so that we CAN bear fruit for God! Amazing.

He goes further.

5 For while we were living in the flesh, our sinful passions, aroused by the law, were at work in our members to bear fruit for death.

According to verse five our sinful passions are aroused by the law and bear fruit for death! So, maybe holding ourselves under the law doesn't produce good fruit at all. If you haven't read it lately, I encourage you to read all of Romans 7, it is wonderful. Paul illustrates the vicious cycle of sin, guilt, and more sin that takes place when we focus on the law.

So, if we can't impose rules on ourselves, how can we produce fruit for God? Elyse Fitzpatrick puts it this way in Comforts from the Cross. "It is utterly impossible that my sinful heart could ever be conquered by anything but God's love and lavish grace." 25 Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord!

"Thank you, Lord, for rescuing me! Thank you for riding in on your white horse and stealing me away from my oppressor, the law. Forgive me that I keep trying to go back to it to fulfill my duty when what you want from me is to see that I delight in your love. Help me to trust you, that you have prepared the good works that you want me to walk in, and you will guide me to them as I delight in You! I do not need to seek out rules to follow in order to bear fruit for Your Kingdom. Lord, you are amazing. Everything about you is so far above me and beyond my capacity to understand. Allow me to fall on your grace and just trust you. My own reasoning always leads me astray. Thank you for opening my eyes to more of your beauty today!"

Comforts from the Cross

I have begun a daily devotional called "Comforts from the Cross" by Elyse Fitzpatrick. I thank God for gospel-centered books and authors. It is so refreshing to read books and articles that point me to the gospel rather than leave me looking inward at myself and my sin. And this is one of them.

I know that there is a time for self-examination, but it should never overshadow meditation on Christ and the cross! Here is a quote from Robert M. M'Cheyne that really touched me this morning as I thought about self-examination and the cross.

"Now, do not look so long and harassingly at your own heart and feelings. What will you find there but the bite of the serpent? You were shapen in iniquity, and the whole of your natural life has been spent in sin. The more God opens your eyes, the more you will feel that you are lost in yourself. This is your disease. Now for the remedy. Look to Christ; for the glorious Son of God so loved lost souls, that he took on him a body and died for us--bore our curse, and obeyed the law in our place. Look to Him and live. You need no preparation, you need no endeavours, you need no duties, you need no strivings, you only need to look and live... Do not take up your time so much with studying your heart as with studying Christ's heart. 'For one look at yourself, take ten looks at Christ!'"

That 1:10 ratio of looking at self and looking at Christ seems to be the opposite proportion of what we see in bookstores and on the internet. The How-To and How-Not-To books seem to far outweigh the Here, Have a Drink of the Living Water books. Reading and contemplating how to be more Christ-like somehow doesn't quench my thirst the way that reading about and contemplating Christ does. I think maybe it is designed that way. "And we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another. For this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit," 2 Cor. 3:18.

According to this text, as we behold the glory of the Lord, we are being transformed into His image. So, in contrast, if I am constantly beholding myself, looking inward, into what am I being transformed? Scary thought! I certainly don't want more of myself! "Jesus, Savior more of thee, Come and ruin me with Your love, So no other is enough."

"Lord, do come and ruin me with Your love! I am so weary of contemplating myself. Thank you for brothers and sisters in Christ who point me to You. Not only the ones near to me, but the authors and teachers who have labored for Your glory and have kept You at the center of all that they write and teach. Show me my sin for what it is, Lord, dark, disgusting and wretched. But I will be devastated if you don't then show me Your glory, bright, infinitely beautiful, and given to me at the cross! Let me be transformed into the image of Christ as I gaze on His beauty."

Wash over me, till I can't be seen

Friend for life, Who took my pain
The cleansing flood, You remain
Wash over me, Till I can't be seen

Living Water swallow me
Deepest river wash me clean
Jesus, Savior more of thee
Jesus, more of thee
Come and ruin me with Your love
So no other is enough
Come and leave Your mark on me
Jesus, more of thee
Jesus, more of thee

Friend for life, I'll carry on
Through the power Of this flood
Let it spill over, over, Till I can't be seen

Deep is the stain, Inside of me
But deeper the river, That washes me clean
I've been the one Who cries in the night
But you've been, The friend of my life

This is an older song and was never a single, but the words are so precious.
Lord, I join Watermark in this prayer today! Swallow me, wash me clean, wash over me until I can't be seen.

Getting Drunk

Ephesians 5:15-21

8 And do not get drunk with wine, for that is debauchery, but be filled with the Spirit...

Confession: I love wine. I don't think I've ever tasted a wine that I didn't like.

I don't get drunk with wine, but there was a time when I did (well not wine, but similar things.) Today, after one glass or two, I know that's it. Limit reached. No more. God has graciously taken away the screaming voice inside my head telling me I need more. But there is still a whisper. I have to exercise self-control every time because I know that it is best for me. I know that one more glass will not bring the joy that it promises, in fact it will bring the opposite, guilt and misery. Over indulgence in alcohol is at the center of so many bad memories and regrets in my past.

But what I meant for evil, God meant for good! (Gen 50:20) Because of my past, when I read this passage today I am intimately familiar with the deep desire for the good feeling that comes with too much wine. I also know that the good feeling only lasts for a little while, usually followed by thoughts or acts that bring destruction and depression. Isn't it interesting that alcohol can make you feel so good for a short time, when it is really a depressant? It actually brings you down. Maybe God did that on purpose. To me, alcohol is symbolic of everything that this world has to offer. It promises happiness and fulfillment, fun and excitement, and what it truly brings is misery and emptiness, death and destruction.

I love it that God, through Paul, uses this comparison here. Do not be drunk with wine, be filled with the Spirit. It is proof that God uses His commands not only for His glory, but for our joy. The wine brings empty promises, but the Spirit brings that life that we are longing for when we go after the wine! The Lord doesn't want us to be satisfied with just wine, that's a sissy drink! Sure, wine is enjoyable when taken in moderation, and I believe that He gave it to us as a gift, to "gladden" our hearts (Psalm 104:15). But, as with all of His gifts, it serves to point us to the giver. He invites us to come over and drink the real thing, the drink of the King.

So, where can I find this drink? How can I be drunk (filled) with the Spirit? Easy. How do I get drunk with wine? Drink it. Drink a lot of it! Jesus stood up and cried out, "If anyone thirsts, let him come to me and drink. Whoever believes in me, as the Scripture has said, ‘Out of his heart will flow rivers of living water.’” Now this he said about the Spirit... (John 7:37-39)

To drink of the Living Water we need to pick up the bottle (the Bible!) And because this drink (the Spirit) does not submit to us as a bottle does, but goes wherever He pleases... we also need to pray for it!

With wine, I feel the desire, but I have to exercise restraint. With the Spirit, the Lord says, drink freely, drink often, drink much! What a freedom! The one thing in life that will deliver what it promises and I am allowed to get drunk on it!

"Lord, teach my heart not to be satisfied with what this world has to offer. There is so much more! You have given us life-giving water, and so many times I refuse to drink! If you set a bottle of good wine before me and told me to drink, I doubt that I would hesitate. How childish are my desires. Teach me to have "child-like" desires instead. Give me the child-like faith that believes you when you say that if I drink of your water I will never be thirsty again!"

Reckless Love

Mark 14: 1-10

3 And while he was at Bethany in the house of Simon the leper, as he was reclining at table, a woman came with an alabaster flask of ointment of pure nard, very costly, and she broke the flask and poured it over his head. 4 There were some who said to themselves indignantly, “Why was the ointment wasted like that? 5 For this ointment could have been sold for more than three hundred denarii and given to the poor.” And they scolded her.

Most likely without calculating and without deliberating, this woman poured out the most valuable thing she had in an act of impulsive love toward Jesus. For us conservative christian types this looks... well... stupid. How did that help anything? What does anyone have to show for it? Apparently that is exactly what some of those in the room thought as well. And they scolded her for it. I can't imagine that being scolded in public is very much fun. Especially when she was involved in something that was deeply emotional. Maybe we wouldn't have scolded her out loud, but for some of us, our conservative sensibilities tell us that she was being overly emotional and she could have found a better use for her possessions.

Jesus disagrees.

6 But Jesus said, “Leave her alone. Why do you trouble her? She has done a beautiful thing to me... " (The way that Jesus came to her rescue here brought me to tears this morning as I prayed through this.)

I am so inclined to be like those in the room and calculate what I give of myself. I do it constantly. With my children, with my husband, with my friends, with my service to the Lord in every area. Now, I know that it is wise to decide what is the best use of my time, and that I can't say yes to everything, but is wisdom always my motive, or is it usually just selfishness? Like, if I give this much, there's not much left for me. Wisdom is desirable, but I think that this passage shows us that there is a time to just be "irresponsible" and pour out everything you have just because you love Jesus that much. No calculating, no wondering what the outcome will be, no wondering if everyone will think you're crazy, just give.

Lord, grant me the faith and the love that this woman had. Let me break open this jar and pour out my life to you with reckless abandon. It is so easy for me to deliberate over choices and weigh options so long that I don't do anything. It is so easy to always wonder if I could be doing something different. Lord, show me what you would have me do, and let me jump in with both feet and pour my life out for the cause of Your Kingdom. Not only in the big things, but in everyday choices. Let me be used up for you, and stop holding so much back for myself and my selfish desires! Help me to see your beauty and know that anything that I hold back is only keeping me from the true happiness and fulfillment that can only be found in You.

Dependence

Isaiah 42: 1-4

1 Behold my servant, whom I uphold,
my chosen, in whom my soul delights;
I have put my Spirit upon him;
he will bring forth justice to the nations.
2 He will not cry aloud or lift up his voice,
or make it heard in the street;
3 a bruised reed he will not break,
and a faintly burning wick he will not quench;
he will faithfully bring forth justice.
4 He will not grow faint or be discouraged
till he has established justice in the earth;
and the coastlands wait for his law.

In my reading this morning I came across these verses as an illustration of the perfect servant. I have always known this passage as a description of Christ, but never thought about it specifically as something for me to try to imitate. The author of the book I am reading says, "Christ the promised Messiah, rendered the perfect devotion and service that Israel had failed to give and met the highest ideals of both His Father and of man... Isaiah depicts the ideal Servant of Jehovah and the qualities He will display." (J. Oswald Sanders) Of course, in the New Testament we get to see Jesus display these qualities and we are told to imitate them (John 13:12-16, among others.)

These verses are packed full of attributes, and I invite you to meditate on all of them, but one of them really pierced my heart today. The very first words, "Behold, my servant whom I uphold..." are filled with life application for me! Jesus' dependence on the Father is such a beautiful mystery. If the Father was upholding Jesus while He was on this earth (at the same time Jesus was upholding the universe,) then how much more do I need Him to uphold me? My dependence on Him is all-encompassing! I need Him for everything, from wisdom in ministry right down to the breath that I just took. Jesus, who created everything with just his words, displays utter dependence on the Father. And, I, who can't even take my own breath without him, let alone create something else, act like I've got everything under control!

Reading these verses this morning after yesterday hearing my husband preach a message out of Luke about the mystery of the incarnation and Christ's dependence on the Father and the Spirit, leads me to believe that the Spirit is wanting me to GET this message right now. The Lord has offered me some new ministry opportunities recently and He is faithful in teaching me the lessons that I will need in order to shine for Him. I have nothing to offer anyone but the living water that flows from the Lord! So if I am not completely dependent on Him in ministry then I am really giving nothing.

Lord, teach me to fall on you! Show me what it means to depend on you for everything. Let me humble myself so that your name can be lifted up. I can't even give my family what they need apart from your Living Water. I lift up my cup, Lord, fill it to overflowing so that your love and truth spill over onto those around me.

Enabling?

Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you. (Luke 7:27-28)

Familiar passage right? Love your enemies, pray for them, do good to them, I know, I get it, I do that (sometimes.) Don't I? I have struggled with these words and what they really mean. Who is my enemy? Who is it that curses me or abuses me? And what does it mean to "do good" to them or to "bless" them? Isn't it just enabling them at some point if they just keep on cursing and hating and abusing? Isn't it simply unjust to continue doing good to someone who doesn't act grateful?

I have prayed and cried, and been outraged and angry, and overjoyed and delighted, and hurt and lonely, and humbled and grateful because of these verses many times in the last several months. I have felt betrayed by those "enemies" I have tried to bless, and I have felt betrayed by other believers who have questioned my "blessing." I have been sure that I am right and that I am loving the way that Jesus loved, and other times I have been sure that my skeptics are right and my "doing good" is just enabling people to continue in sinful patterns. These things seem so easy to figure out, until you actually DO them!

Today, my husband read me this passage (because he is preaching through Luke right now) and I was amazed at the rest of the story here. I always read over it so quickly before. Here is the rest.

Luke 7

27 “But I say to you who hear, Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, 28 bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you. 29 To one who strikes you on the cheek, offer the other also, and from one who takes away your cloak do not withhold your tunic either. 30 Give to everyone who begs from you, and from one who takes away your goods do not demand them back. 31 And as you wish that others would do to you, do so to them.

32 “If you love those who love you, what benefit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them. 33 And if you do good to those who do good to you, what benefit is that to you? For even sinners do the same. 34 And if you lend to those from whom you expect to receive, what credit is that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners, to get back the same amount. 35 But love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return, and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, for he is kind to the ungrateful and the evil. 36 Be merciful, even as your Father is merciful.

There is so much here, and I won't bore you with my thoughts on all of it, but a couple things really hit me upside the head today. "from one who takes away your cloak do not withhold your tunic either." and "Give to everyone who begs from you, and from one who takes away your goods do not demand them back." This is REALLY radical! Is there ever a time when you can give too much? Seriously?

When someone steals from you and then comes and asks you to help them, what do you do? (v. 29b) If you are tempted to say, "well if they repent of stealing from me then maybe I would help them," look again at the verses... they never mention repentance. Jesus is talking about ENEMIES here! Those who curse you and abuse you!

When someone needs your help (I'm talking real, tangible, uncomfortable, financial, burden-yourself help) and you KNOW that they are going to go out the next day and buy cigarettes and beer and run themselves into debt again, what do you do? (v. 30) Again, Jesus never mentions anyone "getting their act together," he just says "give to everyone... do not demand... love... bless... pray... offer... lend... be merciful"

Is God "enabling" me every time He gives me another breath knowing that, more often than not, I am going to use that breath to build my own kingdom rather than His? Is He "enabling" me every time He gives me a penny, knowing that, more often than not, I am going to use it to fulfill my own temporary desires rather than further the cause of Christ? Probably. But He keeps on giving!

35 But love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return, and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, for he is kind to the ungrateful and the evil. 36 Be merciful, even as your Father is merciful.

He is kind to the ungrateful and the evil. Wow! This is an amazing love, and one that I think we are supposed to emulate. Not easy, but freeing. I think it's OK to love! I think it's OK to err on the side of grace. I think it's OK to help someone who squanders away your blessing. God does it with me everyday.

Lord,
Teach me to love better, to love more, and to love freely. Keep me focused on the "great reward" to come, when I will be allowed to live an eternity in Your presence where there is fullness of joy and pleasures forevermore. Let the consequences of giving freely in this fallen world be overshadowed in my heart by the thought of the joy that awaits me.

When my world is shaking...

...Heaven stands.

We Shall See Him As He Is

1 John 3

3:1 See what kind of love the Father has given to us, that we should be called children of God; and so we are. The reason why the world does not know us is that it did not know him. 2 Beloved, we are God's children now, and what we will be has not yet appeared; but we know that when he appears we shall be like him, because we shall see him as he is. 3 And everyone who thus hopes in him purifies himself as he is pure.

I was struck by this line today, "... we shall be like him, because we shall see him as he is." If this is true, (and it is,) then the closer we get to seeing him for who he really is, the more we will be like him. Sounds so simple. And it is. If we're talking about a painting or a flower. I can look at these and see what they are. Even another person, although complex, after studying a person for years (like my husband) I can pretty well have him figured out. But JESUS? That's another matter. He is the "fountain of living waters!" Fountains don't quit, they just keep spewing more water, you never get to the end of it. You can't exhaust it. Everything about Him is like a fountain.

"Oh, the depth of the riches and wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are his judgments and how inscrutable his ways!" (Rom 11:33)

So I guess that is why we have to wait for his return until we truly see Him as He is. We have to wait until we shed these half-blinded eyes and hardened hearts. In the meantime, though, I want a taste, I want to keep trying to get to the end of the water... even though I know I can't. It's like trying to satisfy that deep-down, heart-aching desire for your lover... the more you get, the more you want, and it never ends. But the desire is part of the fulfillment, part of the fun of it, right? Only it's never completely quenched.

One day, our Bridegroom will fulfill all of our deepest desires by fulfilling that One desire that these earthly desires only point to.

By the way, if you're married and you don't remember that kind of desire, you should nurture that feeling back to life... God gave it to us to point to our desire for Him and His desire for us. If marriage is a picture of Christ and His Bride, maybe a marriage without desire is not a very good picture.

"Father, keep me in the place where I am longing for the Living Water! The more I get, the more I want. But when I let other things overtake this desire, my heart gets hard, I don't care if I get it or not, and I find myself dehydrated and wondering why! It is you that has pulled me out of the pit, and you that keeps me. So I can only beg for more! Keep your Word in my heart, on my lips, and let the Living Water overflow into the lives of others."

Abiding

1 John 2

9Whoever says he is in the light and hates his brother is still in darkness. 10 Whoever loves his brother abides in the light, and in him there is no cause for stumbling. 11 But whoever hates his brother is in the darkness and walks in the darkness, and does not know where he is going, because the darkness has blinded his eyes.

15 Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. 16 For all that is in the world—the desires of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and pride in possessions—is not from the Father but is from the world. 17 And the world is passing away along with its desires, but whoever does the will of God abides forever.

28 And now, little children, abide in him, so that when he appears we may have confidence and not shrink from him in shame at his coming.

"Father, just teach me to abide in you! Let me see and long for Your beauty so that the desires of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and the pride in possessions fade away. Let me learn to love well so that darkness does not blind my eyes. You are so faithful, Lord, and I am so fickle. Teach me to walk as You walked and love as you love. Teach me to look to the eternal joy that you have set before me, rather than the cheap, imitation joy that I can make for myself here! I fall at your feet because of your sacrifice. I am amazed that because of You, I can have confidence and not shrink from shame at your coming!"

Things You Were Never Meant To Shoulder

All of your tears are the wages for things you've done.
All of those nights spent alone in the darkness of your mind.
Give it up, let it go. These are things you were never meant to shoulder.

Are you carrying burdens that have already been carried for you?
Are you running from a past that has already been wiped clean?
You don't have to. Look to the cross. The river that washed you clean is still flowing. Jump in. Remember how it rushes over you. Remember how clean it makes you feel. Remember that you can't clean yourself up enough that you don't need the River.




Psalm 38: 4-8
My guilt overwhelms me—
it is a burden too heavy to bear.
My wounds fester and stink
because of my foolish sins.
I am bent over and racked with pain.
All day long I walk around filled with grief.
A raging fever burns within me,
and my health is broken.
I am exhausted and completely crushed.
My groans come from an anguished heart.

Isaiah 61:7

Instead of shame and dishonor,
you will enjoy a double share of honor.
You will possess a double portion of prosperity in your land,
and everlasting joy will be yours.

Psalm 34:4-5
I prayed to the Lord, and he answered me.
He freed me from all my fears.
Those who look to him for help will be radiant with joy;
no shadow of shame will darken their faces.

Light

1 John 1

5 This is the message we have heard from him and proclaim to you, that God is light, and in him is no darkness at all. 6 If we say we have fellowship with him while we walk in darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth. 7 But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus his Son cleanses us from all sin.

"Father, as you prepare my heart for service, show me the light. I long to be warmed by it, but also to catch fire from it. I need the light to shine on my path, and I need it to blind my eyes to everything else. You are the Light, and You are the Consuming Fire, and I want to feel the heat! My heart's desire is to walk in the light, You are the light, so reveal Yourself to me yet again, Lord. Shine Your light on my heart, search me and know me, I am laid bare before You, cleanse me so that I can lay down my life for others."

God Of All Comfort

Well, I'm back... but my mind is being stubborn and indecisive! So I need your help... I can't decide what book of the Bible to pray through! Any suggestions? Pray for me, dear sisters! I desperately want to get back into routine, but I feel like I am fighting a losing battle here! Even for this one simple thing, I can't just make a decision and move forward. God has great things lined up, I just know it! And the Enemy knows it as well, but He that is in me is greater than he that is in the world and the Lord will prevail! I am reading 2 Corinthians this week for something else, so for today, I'll go with that...

2 Corinthians 1

3 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, 4 who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. 5 For as we share abundantly in Christ's sufferings, so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort too. 6 If we are afflicted, it is for your comfort and salvation; and if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which you experience when you patiently endure the same sufferings that we suffer. 7 Our hope for you is unshaken, for we know that as you share in our sufferings, you will also share in our comfort.

The Lord has given me a wonderful illustration of these verses in the last month. For the most part, I have had very little affliction in my life,(maybe that's why I am not very good at comforting others!) Most of my affliction has been brought about by my own hands through sin and rebellion. But, even in those times, in those self-inflicted afflictions, my Shepherd has been so faithful to comfort me. At times, I have seen my sin and trembled and had to look away, and He has been there, holding my hand, and gently turning my gaze toward the cross. He has recently brought a dear friend into my life who has been afflicted in the past, at times by her own hands, and at times by Providence, and the Lord has used her to wrap me with His comfort in a way that I have never experienced! I was amazed to read these verses and think about how He is orchestrating every circumstance in our lives. How could this dear woman know that years later the Lord's glory and his Bride's joy would be multiplied by her afflictions? And now, I want to be her, I want to be the one to bring the comfort of God into the lives of others, and I believe that He is going to bless me with that opportunity!

"Father, I am so amazed at the way that you comfort your people! Afflictions I understand, we have earned those, and worse. But Your comfort, and love, and gentleness, and favor, I cannot comprehend. That our afflictions are not for punishment, but rather for our joy and for the joy and salvation of others is such a beautiful gift. Lord, make me more like you, give me the heart to comfort, give me the heart of a servant. Teach me to look beyond myself and my little life and use me for your eternal glory!"

Who Am I?

Who Am I/Grace Flows Down (click to watch)

Over time You’ve healed so much in me
And I am living proof
That although my darkest hour would come
Your light could still shine through
Though at times it’s just enough to cast
A shadow on the wall
Well I am grateful that
You shine Your light on me at all

Who am I
That You would love me so gently?
Who am I
That You would recognize my name?
Lord, who am I
That You would speak to me so softly?
Conversation with the Love most high,..
Who am I?

Well, amazing grace how sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me
I once was lost but now I’m found
Was blind but now I see
And the more I sing that sweet old song
The more I understand-
That I do not comprehend this love
That’s coming from Your hand…

Grace, grace
God’s grace
Grace that will pardon and cleanse within
Grace, grace
God’s grace
Grace that is greater than all our sin…

Amazing grace, how sweet the sound
Amazing love, now flowing down
From hands and feet
That were nailed to the tree
Grace flows down and covers me…

Instead of slamming me upside the head, which He has every right to do, (and sometimes does,) the Lord has spoken to me so gently and so softly in the last month! He has brought about the perfect circumstances and put the perfect people into my life to renew my hunger for His Word! I heard this song a couple weeks ago, and though it is one of my old favorites, it suddenly came to life! All this to say... Monday... I'm back.

Consumed With My First Love

Acts 2

42 And they devoted themselves to the apostles' teaching and the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and the prayers. 43 And awe came upon every soul, and many wonders and signs were being done through the apostles. 44 And all who believed were together and had all things in common. 45 And they were selling their possessions and belongings and distributing the proceeds to all, as any had need. 46 And day by day, attending the temple together and breaking bread in their homes, they received their food with glad and generous hearts, 47 praising God and having favor with all the people. And the Lord added to their number day by day those who were being saved.

I don't really know why I began reading in Acts this week. I usually have a rational thought process before deciding what to read. This time I just finished John (which I am reading for accountability with a new believer) and my eyes hit the next page, so I started reading Acts. When I read this passage in Chapter 2, my heart was suddenly filled with overwhelming desire. I have read these verses many times in books about church and discipleship, and I have heard them preached and I know the significance of them. But this time, I caught a glimpse of a scene where everyone was consumed with Christ the way we are consumed with a new lover... (Do you remember?) Something in me wanted to be immediately transported to this scene.

I want to be consumed with nothing else but God's Kingdom! I want to throw everything else away. This life is a vapor, a breath, and we have ONE mission here, to keep each other strong in our pursuit of Christ in order that we can see "the Lord adding to our number day by day!" There are endless distractions that keep us from this mission. We are constantly trying to get what we can out of this life, when Jesus promised us that if we would lose this life for His sake, we would gain EVERYTHING.

God help me not be satisfied with the petty toys and pleasures that are available to me here. Amaze me everyday with who you are, so that all of these other things just fade away and I continue to strive for the ultimate prize. I thank you that you have promised to keep me, and that nothing can pluck me out of your hand, because there are a whole lot of somethings giving it their best shot!

Psalm 1: Revisited

I sought the Psalms this evening for some much needed hydration. My soul is parched. The good soil is being harvested all around me, and yet, inside I feel like I'm living in the desert. My dear friend and sister (again) said the words that I have said to others so many times but have such a hard time following, "soak in the Word!" So I started at Psalm 1. As I read I realized that I had posted on this a couple of months ago, and I thought, "I wonder what I wrote," so I checked.

How ironic! The words that I wrote only 2 months ago cut my heart in two! They were fresh like I had never heard them before, but familiar like I knew when I was writing them that I was going to need them. Only I didn't know... God did. The Holy Spirit is alive and active. To think that he was planning this 2 months ago blows my mind. Why does he even care? Because it is all part of the story of redemption! That's why I will get back on track.

Here is what I wrote. And in the meantime, in some ways, because I have not exercised caution, I have become like those I am trying to reach. I have not outwardly acted like them, but in ways I have begun to think like the world. I have indulged aspects of my personality I forgot existed! So do I quarantine myself to keep out the sin? No! I can't! God is doing mighty things in the lives of the people I have allowed into my life. I believe this is the very battle that God wants us engaged in. The answer is in Psalm 1. Delight in the Word!! And I have lost all delight in it in the past few weeks. I have done without the one thing I knew 2 months ago that I couldn't do without.

Father, I am begging you to give me the hunger. "Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied." Forgive me for thinking that I could do this on my own. I want to chase after your glory, not mine. I want to bear your fruit in your time, and I know that I need YOU to do that. Make me the "tree planted by streams of water that yields its fruit in its season, and its leaf does not wither. In all that he does, he prospers." Everything is failing, and now I know why. Thank you for your Word, thank you for the Spirit, and thank you for the friendship of beautiful people who are chasing your glory and speaking your truth.

How wimpy am I?!

Ephesians 6

5 Slaves, obey your earthly masters with fear and trembling, with a sincere heart, as you would Christ, 6 not by the way of eye-service, as people-pleasers, but as servants of Christ, doing the will of God from the heart, 7 rendering service with a good will as to the Lord and not to man, 8 knowing that whatever good anyone does, this he will receive back from the Lord, whether he is a slave or free. 9 Masters, do the same to them, and stop your threatening, knowing that he who is both their Master and yours is in heaven, and that there is no partiality with him.

If God is telling slaves to obey their masters with a sincere heart, rendering service as to the Lord and not to man, how WIMPY am I when I grumble about the "hard day" that I have? Or when I feel sorry for myself because my family expects "too much" of me? Or when I have to help someone (render service) on a day that I didn't really want to?

I am reading Uncle Tom's Cabin right now so when I see the word "slave" it brings a vivid image to mind. And when I see that God is telling them, "It's OK, you can get through it, just do it as service for me, and I will reward you more than anything you can gain in this world," it gives me great hope. First, hope for all of the slaves that have been so grossly mistreated, here in our country, and around the world. For those who had placed their hope in Jesus, they have finally found rest and fulfillment and true life. Second, it gives me hope for me! I don't have to try to fight for my own way all the time, I can just serve and rest in Christ and know that I don't have to get mine now, I'll be given more in heaven than I could ever steal here!!

(If you've never read Uncle Tom's Cabin, it's not easy reading, but it's well worth the time! It's giving me a whole new perspective on suffering and injustice. Sometimes we need stories more than we need facts.)

Lord, thank you for your forgiveness for my stubborn, self-centered heart. Give me the grace of a content slave, knowing that the more that is expected of me here that I do as service to you, the more treasure I am building in heaven. Help me to keep my eyes and heart zoomed in on YOU. Give me tunnel-vision so that I am free to give myself in service to others. Give me your heart for my children and allow me to serve them gladly! Thank you for the promise of so great a reward, to be able to see you face to face and enjoy you, the fountain of joy, for all eternity. The polar opposite of what I deserve.